A look in the rear view

posted on: 3.21.2011

 I stumbled on this picture of Tate this weekend, and had a moment. A long period actually where I felt sad, really sad, as I reflected on this perfect moment of time. I remember it so well. My favorite stage of her. She had just turned two and we had not yet started our crazy adventure of moving to another country... and back. More importantly, she was little. Up until very recently I have not been sad to see her reach a milestone, learn something new, or explore her independence. It was all very exciting and I encouraged it proudly. But now I am sad. I look at these pictures, and while it all seems like yesterday, she is a completely different kid. Not a baby anymore, by any means. She is a little girl. She doesn't need to sit on the counter to help me bake anymore- she can reach on a small stool. Her chubby cheeks, and dimples on her knuckles are gone. She dresses herself, and no longer needs to drink from a sippy.
And not that four hasn't brought a whole new slew of adorable things for her. She is still just as sweet, if not more. I am sad because I don't know that I'll get another one. A girl that is. For the record, I'm thrilled to be having twin boys. But, just like I never thought I'd have twins, I also never thought I'd only have one girl. We plan on three kids, and will get them quickly in just two pregnancies.
I wish I'd known that she would most likely be my only girl, and somehow figured out a way to slow down time. It's not that I have regrets, I'm confident that I soaked all of her up, as much as I could have. I'm good at that. I just wish time would stop now.
 I'm not at all ready to say goodbye to my baby girl.

12 comments:

  1. I love this reflection...and Tate is darling, then and now. You have done such a great job raising her without missing a moment.

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  2. chelsea, this pulls at my heartstrings. i think all that you're feeling is so normal. and i think you know that too. but sometimes its good to be told that by others, right?

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  3. Such a sweet post Chels. I think every mother goes through this at some point. And I think with multiples it's maybe intensified because things happen faster then they normally would. (Oh if only we could slow down time.) You have always been good at savoring each moment. So at least you won't have any regrets when all is said and done.

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  4. Chels! These pregnancy hormones of my are killng me right now! Such a sweet tender post. Love it.

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  5. oh i KNOW. my little boy just turned 5. FIVE. i mean, what?!?

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  6. It goes too fast for everyone- It's simply not fair. ALL mothers have these moments and feel the same way. BUT, We are SO lucky to have these little people in our lives... and Tate will forever be your little girl and will turn in to your adult best friend. I know you soaked up every ounce of her baby life... and you will enjoy the twins every bit as much- maybe more because you know how fast it goes. You're a wonderful Momma. xo

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  7. Such a sweet post. I totally understand that bittersweet feeling! But, the good news is, you have soaked up every moment, and recorded most of them and that is a treasure! The other good news...? Tate will continue to woo you with her sweet, quirky ways and you'll discover the different joys of loving little boys:)
    Love you! Mom

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  8. My Mommy heart totally relates. It is so bittersweet to watch our little ones become little people and know that the baby days are past. I've felt that with each child and am totally feeling it now as these days of two kids are numbered and I know that life as we know it is about to change dramatically. Your mom is right, though... You have been such a sweet, darling, doting mom to Miss Tate and she is so lucky to have you. Love that little girl and my girls are so excited for her to be back in the hood! Hope you are feeling well. Think of you all the time. Xoxo

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  9. well you could be just like me and let her still sit on the counter and drink from a sippy cup. it's so funny because just today ez helped from the counter to bake cookies instead of from his stool and although he knows how to drink from a cup he still drinks often from a sippy. i think i am keeping him young. p.s. i LOVE her outfit!!!!

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  10. what a beautiful little girl. you can tell she's smart too- she's licking the bowl. everyone knows the batter is better.

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  11. Not going to lie, this post totally made me tear up. It is so hard as parents to truly enjoy every moment we have with the precious little ones! Who are we kidding you have one perfect little girl, and are so lucky you only have to be pregnant 2 to get 3 kiddo's I am totally jealous (ha ha ha!)

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  12. These words have really touched me! Bringing me to tears... I feel exactly the same way, and I didn't even really know it until right this second. My first is a girl and I didn't have my second until she was 3 1/2 so I always felt like she was my little side kick, basically my best friend...our life is different with 2 little boys and sometimes I really miss that little girl.
    Thanks a lot...now i'm going to cry myself to sleep. : )
    ( I may write about my feelings on the subject on my blog one of these days...)

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